Just like Phyllis.

I was home for Mother's Day weekend.  My sister and I went out to dinner one night with my parents.  Dad drove and Meaghan and I sat in the back.  I am not sure if it was intentional or not, but Meaghan and I sat on the same sides that we did as children.  Me behind Mom, Meg behind Dad.  We talked shit about them like we used to when we were little.  Now though, their age was on our side. They couldn't hear a word we said.  At one point, Kath asked if we thought she was weird. She tried explaining that she thought she was quirky, but didn't think she was weird.  Meaghan and I nodded politely and agreed that she was normal.  The moment she turned around, I said, "Freak."  I was talking to Mom last week when the subject of "dope" came up.  She said, "I just don't understand who in their right mind smokes dope these days."  I wanted to say, "Um, people that don't refer to it as dope."  Instead, I just mmhmmed her and changed the subject.

I saw Gram over Mother's Day weekend, but did not take video.  Gram told me she had been falling lately and I decided to confess my tumble. She said, "HA! Just like Phyllis!" I told her I might need plastic surgery and her eyes opened wide. At least Gram doesn't have to go under the knife. Though, the rubbing one out on my face and the silicone scar sheets seem to be helping.  Sorry, but that is what it feels like I am doing.  It's quite gross.  However, I will continue to do these things and maybe I won't need Lin and Chang to cut me after all.

Back to Phyllis.  She was in a fresh mood.  While waiting for her lunch she said, "Wait until you see it!  IT'S CRAP!"  I had to agree.  It looked like vomit.  She did have a delicious brunch the following morning at my sister's.  I cut some strawberries, but didn't cook a thing.  However, and I haven't told Meaghan this (surprise, sister), but I am thinking I will make dinner for the family and my blog publicist, Angela, when we return from Sesame Place.  I hope they like English muffins. 

I went to my aunt and uncle's this past weekend with my cousin/friend, Karen.  I am going to just call her my CF now.  On Saturday, we got our nails done and my nail girl said, "You two sister or friends?"  I replied, "We're cousin/friends."  I was debating between two colors for my nails.  One was light, the other dark.  My nail girl said, "You have perfect nail bed.  Dark look better.  If you have short nails, light, but you have perfect nail bed."  I beamed at her and turned to my CF to see if she had heard the compliment.  She hadn't.  For the rest of the weekend, if anything complimentary came my way, I would say, "What do you expect?  I have perfect nail beds."

I have a few events that I am looking forward to these next few weeks.  First, the Lang family reunion Memorial Day weekend.  My CF and I are in charge of bringing the wine.  I can't imagine why.  Memorial Day weekend is the weekend I look forward to most every year.  When I last spoke to my dad, I said, "I have so much fun Memorial Day, f*ck Christmas."  I know, that's awful, but I can't wait to stuff my face, laugh and play badminton.  And maybe enjoy a box of wine.  Or two. And, eat Shaun's chocolates.  Maybe I won't stuff my ass face too much.  I have my dress fitting for a certain Bridezilla's wedding in just under a month. 

After Memorial Day, I will be going to Langhorne, Pennsylvania with the sister, the three little ones, her husband and Zia.  Back in March, Meaghan asked if I wanted to go to Sesame Place.  I said, "Sure."  I Googled Sesame Place a week after I agreed to this trip and found it was a Sesame Street theme park.  I am hoping to charm Oscar the Grouch.  I bet he'll like Titty.

 

To end, I would like to say happy birthday to my F, Michelle. Here's some Taye Diggs.  Enjoy!