Must Love Gran Crackers

What up, bitches?  This will be a quick one since I don't have too much to say.  However, I will be spending a decent amount of time with Phyllis this week and will hopefully have a post worthy update for you next week.  Anyway. Have you started your holiday shopping yet?  If you are anything like me then that answer is no.  I am the worst.  Last year, I did my Christmas shopping the week after.  I don't have a car and I hate shopping.  And other people that shop.  They walk too slow.  I end up swearing at them under my breath.  Holiday procrastination doesn't run in the family.  My sista and Kath are always prepared. I never partake in Black Friday because I can't think of a worse way to spend a day.  However, when sista Meaghan sexted me asking if I was going to go, she wrote, "It wasnt that bad last yr. It was kinda fun :)"  I knew she wanted me to go because she included a smiley face emoticon.  Sold. 

In other news.  The little bean can say "Titi".  I called two Friday's ago.  She grabbed the phone, or so I like to think, and said, "Hii."  Then she said, "Titi." My heart melted.  Of course, this task took me a bit of time to teach my little bean.  Months, actually.  I wasn't too pleased when, during a recent visit with the bf, Kath said, "Annabella, can you say JP?"  She said, "JPeee".  She's a little shit.

See?

The bf and I had  a lovely visit with Phyllis two weekends ago.  Gram is starting to act like her fresh self when Jon P. is around, which must mean she feels comfortable in his presence.  At two points she said that I needed a spanking over the knee.  I reminded her that I was not hit as a child.  No need to change things this late in life.  I don't even recall what I said to bring about such a comment.  I asked Gram if she had a boyfriend.  "Not yet!"  she said.  Good thing I love to Google  shit. I stumbled upon this little gem of a site:  http://www.datingforseniors.com/. I found 139 potential matches for Phyllis.  I can't wait to set up a profile for her on Thursday.  "Must Love Gran Crackers". During the visit, I noticed that the time on her watch was still an hour ahead. I tried fixing it to no avail.  I enlisted the help of Jon P.  He was able to fix it.  I put it on Gram and said, "It's a good thing you have his business card.  You can call him at allll hours of the night if you have any issues with your watch."  She gave me a questioning look.  To which I replied, "He is up all hours because he is addicted to drugs."  Gram kept asking me to repeat myself.  I did, but she obviously did not hear me. I finally yelled, "HE'S A DRUG ADDICT."  Maybe that is when she said I deserved a spanking. 

Just to let everyone know, (so I don't get a beating, though Bill Lang would say I deserve it), the bf is not addicted to drugs.  Drug addicts are too high maintenance. 

I'll end on that note.  Everyone, have a lovely Turkey day.  Here's to hopin' Phyllis finds her gran cracker love.  And, happy, happy birthday, Pops!

Burqa Bean

It has been a while.  What else is new. Much has happened since my last post.  No croup, though.

I drove a car for the first time in almost a year.  When I arrived at Fox Rent-A-Car in Seattle, there was a silver Honda Civic waiting for me to get in.  For anyone who doesn't know, that was the same car I used to drive.  Phyllis would have been so excited.  My old driving habits quickly took over.  I was passing slow people and riding people's asses if they were going too slow in the fast lane.  The speed limit on some areas of the highway was 70. That meant I could go 80.  I like to make Bill Lang proud.

My nephews turned "free".  I would appreciate it if they stopped growing.  When I went home for Meggie's wedding weekend, my sista and I took a trip to the mall with all three kids in tow.  I was holding both of the boys hands walking through Macy's.  We walked by the Junior Girls Department.  There were some skanky dresses.  I said, "Anthony, Nicholas, do you like these dresses?"  They looked at me and didn't respond.  I said, "Good.  Never date a girl that wears one of those dresses.  Date a girl that dresses like Titi." I hope they won't need counseling.  I told Tony I would be dressing my little bean up as a ho fo sho before hot dates.  I was kidding.  If Meaghan is anything like Kath, Annabella will be dressed in burqa's through college. My little burqa bean is also very close to saying "Titi".  She says, "Ti".  I will take what I can get. 

My best friend got married.  I smile as I type that.  Meggie was the most beautiful bride.  Vinnie looked a'ight. Their wedding was perfect.  No one tripped down the aisle, i.e. this girl.  I thought I would be a sobbing mess throughout the ceremony, but managed to maintain my composure.  My posture was perfect as well.  Vinnie's nephews told me so.  I am glad I wore a ballgown because no one could see my legs shaking.  I don't know why I was so nervous.  I  will need to take Ativan on my own wedding day. I also managed to make it through my speech without vomiting or crying.  I would rather drink whole milk than do any form of public speaking. 

Speaking of which, I had to present for work last week.  Again, I was a nervous wreck.  An employee asked me to "Speak up just a bit."  I smiled and said, "Oh, sure! That's my one weakness."  I quickly realized my gaffe, and started to awkwardly explain myself to the audience of 30. Then decided to just let it go.  I am glad I decided not to elaborate because I have lots of weaknesses.  Chocolate, fro-yo, my arm strength.  I should borrow Kath's Shake Weight.

Anyway.  The wedding weekend fittingly ended at Rehab with a visit with Phyllis.  She was delighted to see me and "John P".  Gram has a new nickname for the bf every visit.  I brought her a bunch of candy for Halloween.  She had a peanut butter cup and two kit kats during the visit.  She tried pushing a Tootsie Pop on me, but I declined.  I told Gram that I was "very hung over."  She smiled.  John P. told her that we cut up the dance floor at the wedding.  Gram seemed impressed.  Unfortunately, we did not see the biddies.  (My brother visited with Gram a few weeks ago. He was lucky enough to meet Roberta. As she does with me, she kept asking him who he was. He gave her a different answer each time. Clever.) We chatted about Thanksgiving.  I am so looking forward to a long visit with Phyllis.  And watching Toy Story 3 with my kids. They are so cute, I am afraid I am going to eat them. 

To end, I am going to post the oh so wonderful Mockumentary written and directed by Michael Ford.  Amazing.  Even if you don't know the DeCesare's, this shiz is funny.  And, a little crude.  I hope my brother didn't end up watching.  He shouldn't hear his baby sista talk like that. 

Relationship In Slow Motion [Part 1] from Michael Ford on Vimeo.

Relationship In Slow Motion [Part 2] from Michael Ford on Vimeo.