I called my family last week during weekly dinner. It makes me laugh that they have no qualms talking to me on speaker, yet I know that every one of them cannot stand speaker phone if they are on the other end, i.e. mine. I have to turn my earpiece volume down when I do talk to them, because Kath screams. Loud. "HI MEREDITH! WE'RE EATING SCHNITZEL," she taunted recently. Last week those bastards had chocolate cream pie for dessert. They know it's my favorite dessert and I think that was a deliberate choice so they could get a rise out of me. I called them assholes. It reminded me of when Meggie told me she made tomato pie for dinner. She knew it would make me jealous. I said, "I hope the bread you also baked goes straight to your hips." That was the most un-Maid of Honor thing I have done. After calling my family assholes, I quickly apologized because the kids were listening. The boys are now rather chatty on the phone. Nicholas especially. He said, "Hi Titi" no less than 50 times. Then he switched it up to say, "Come home, quick." Did your heart just melt? Mine did. I teared up because I didn't even prompt him to say such a thing. Anthony is not as interested with the phone and was watching a cooking show instead. The Bean, aka Alabama, just sat there and smiled. The conversation started to gear down until my mom said, "Meredith, guess what I am getting done? Tony's sister is doing it for me." Before I could respond, she yelled, "A BIKINI WAX." I was pissed. I thought maybe she was reading too much Cosmo. She quickly told me she was joking and that she was getting her eyebrows done. I no longer have to wonder where I get my sick sense of humor from. Thanks, Kath.
Speaking of Cosmo. I was reading it the other day. They somehow found the biggest tool in Devon, 25. The article was full of quotes from douchebags and was titled something like "The Hottest Things You Can Do...For Your Man" Such a clever title! Anyway, Devon said, "Leave your bra on so I can pull at the straps as I ride you from behind." What girl wants to feel like a horse when they are getting it on?
Thank God, Bill Lang does not read this. It's not like Devon's my boyfriend, but I can't imagine he would enjoy reading my thoughts about such a quote.
This is something else Bill wouldn't want to read. I haven't been rubbing one out on my face lately. I have been busy. The last time I missed a few days, a friend said, "God, that must've been a mess!" At least it seems to be healing with the silicone scar sheets. If you are curious, this is what they look like:
Gram will be pleased with my scar progress. I hope to have a visit with her this weekend when I am home for the Reunion. Last I heard she told my mom what a smart girl I was. She's right. Her birthday is coming up. She will be 86. I wonder if in 60 years I will have a smart ass granddaughter writing about me. I am flattered at the thought. Though, we all know Phyllis could care less.
This makes me laugh. And Jon Hamm is in it. You're welcome.
No comments:
Post a Comment