Rehab and Danielle Steel.

Gram is in rehab.  Fifth visit perhaps.  Anyway, unfortunately, it's not due to drug use.  During one of her first visits to rehab I told people it was for crystal meth.  Or cocaine.  I can't remember.  The real story is that she fell. Phyllis just can't get around the way she used to.  Due to not having contact information, it took me until this past weekend to get a hold of her.  I now can call her, but that means very little since she cannot hear a word I am saying.  However, (and this might be great for her self-esteem) Gram thinks that I have a hearing problem.

When I called tonight, her nurse answered.  The nurse immediately asked if I was Meredith.  "She's very happy that it's you." Nurse Beth said.  But of course.  I enjoy being a bit of celebrity in rehab.  Everyone should have their 15 minutes of fame somewhere. I didn't sleep with Tiger Woods, so I will take what I can get. "HI HONEY BUNCH! HOW ARE YA?" Gram screamed.  I told her I was good. Gram told me the names of every nurse she has encountered in rehab. She sounded like a popular student. "There's Lisa, then Beth and my roommate is CATALINA!" I asked what she had for dinner.  "A baked potato with a hole in it."  I haven't a clue what she meant by that, but it makes me laugh that she probably told everyone within distance of the hole in her potato. Gram also enjoyed string beans, sliced pineapple and "pink, pink jello."

"Your mother came to visit me today and asked me how you were.  Haven't ya called her lately?"  I told Gram that I had just talked to Mom.  "You sure you're not fibbin'?"  she asked.  I really had just talked to mom.  She told me Gram was reading a Danielle Steel book all day.  I couldn't wait to hear more.  I asked her if she was reading a book.  Her first response was, "That'll be good." Then she asked how Meaghan was.  Finally she heard me.  "I'm reading a book.  It's called ECHOES.  It's by Danielle Steel!"  She told me it was a combination of German and "ya know."  Thankfully she divulged more a moment later.  "It's about Christianity and the Germans."  I (obviously) looked up this book.  Here's a description:

"...At novel's beginning, it is 1915, and Beata Wittgenstein, daughter of a German banker, falls in love with Antoine de Vallerand, a French aristocrat. Because Antoine is Catholic, Beata's enraged father expels her from the family, proclaiming her dead. Beata moves to Switzerland, marries Antoine, converts to Catholicism, and has two daughters. The two live happily, despite missing their families (Antoine has been cast out of his family for marrying a Jew). ...Beata, who has lived as a Catholic for nearly 20 years, feels she is safe--in fact, her daughter, Amadea, has taken vows as a Carmelite nun-- but she watches in horror as her family members are shipped off to concentration camps.  Librarians should stock up."

I like the advice for librarians. Do they peruse the Internet for reviews like this and write "Echoes" on their steno pad?  I asked Gram what page she was on.  "I don't think so." she replied.  I knew she was up to page 94, because Kathy Lang told me earlier.  Gram is a speed reader like me.  After the conversation about Danielle Steel, it went downhill.  Gram could no longer hear me.  I screamed her name repeatedly.  (My poor roommates.) At one point I said, "OK GRAM.  I AM GOING TO CHURCH NOW." No response.  After a minute of silence Gram started saying my name.  "Meredith, oh Meredith?"  I was yelling back "WHAT?" Yet, she thought I couldn't hear her.  This happened for ten minutes. Since I have been fighting a cold for a week, my voice couldn't take the screaming.  Gram told me she better go and I didn't fight her.  She told me she loved me twice and I told her I would call her tomorrow.  I wish Gram could Skype.

Older video of Gram.  My nephew Anthony must wonder, "what the f is wrong with my family?"  He's been exposed to a lot.  Webbie Debbie, wigs, a nameless goldfish that met it's demise a day after purchase...