"How come it's not printin'?"

I called Gram and asked if she wanted to do lunch at my sister's the following afternoon.  She told me that was fine, but she and my Aunt Mary had a funeral in the morning.  Gram said this as though she were a child going to an amusement park.  I told Gram we would have goulash.  The next morning I called Mary to see if she could drop Gram off at Meaghan's as I no longer have a car.  When Mary answered, she was chewing so I asked where she was. "Eatin' lunch at Coughlin's with Gram."  I was trying to hide my annoyance, until she informed me that Gram was only eating a blueberry muffin.  Mary agreed to bring Gram over. They showed up and Mary's first words to me were, "Those two assholes are going out tonight."  I said, "What two assholes?"  She was referring to her children.  I assumed it was because she was worried about them going out on Halloween.  She doesn't really think they are assholes.  Although, I bet my mom refers to me as one from time to time. She calls me one to my face.  When we went inside, Mary was so kind to ask, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"  I told her, "NO, I do not have a boyfriend, yet."  Then she said, "Who needs one anyway?"  If that's the case, then why ask if I had one, "yet"?  Something tells me that my family has pow wows when I am not around to discuss my lack of a boyfriend.  When I told my Mom that I googled wedding songs to dance to with my father, it took quite a bit for her not to laugh in my face.  And by quite a bit, I mean nothing.  She laughed in my face.  I just want to be prepared. 

Anyway, I was going to a Halloween party as Richard Simmons.  I could not find a brown haired curly wig so I settled on a blond afro.  I was going to dye it, but that took far more effort than I was willing to put in.  I put the wig on and showed Gram.  She chuckled.  Then, I put the wig on her.

I knew I looked nothing like Richard Simmons with this blond wig, but I figured dressing up like an asshole would be just as funny. Kathy Lang lent me one of her Richard Simmons workout tapes.  The idea to be him came about when I told my friend how much I used to enjoy scaring the shit out of my mom when she worked out to his videos.  My mom would be pumping her fists in the air, Richard would be screaming and I would run in and yell "BOO!"  Mom would almost punch me in the face out of fright and I would double over laughing. 

Gram kept the wig on for quite some time.  Until she told me to get her a blanket and turn the lights off so she could nap.

I also had another black wig, but I didn't like that one.  Gram tried this one on too.

As you can see, Gram slept much of the visit.   

I called Gram tonight.  "I'm watching one of those westerner movies!"  she said.  I asked if she was keeping up on the World Series.  She told me she was.  Gram is going to be devastated when the World Series is over.  On Saturday, I asked her who she was rooting for and she told me "The Yankees."  Vinnie was there and she informed him of how her father played against Babe Ruth in 1922.  This is the only time I will root for the Yankees.  Gram will be ecstatic if they win.  That would make me happy.

Gram asked if I was "comin home" for my birthday.  I told her I was as it's over Thanksgiving weekend.  She told me she had to get my a dad a card.  "What about me?" I asked.  "Maybe I already have one for you!"  Lie.  Gram asked if I worked today.  I told her I had.  "Have you made any new friends?" she asked. I told her that my new coworkers were very nice.  I also told her I was going to New York next week.  "Lucky you!" she said.  I asked Gram if she had anything she wanted to say to her blog readers.  "HEH?" I repeated the question.  "What do you mean?" I reminded her of the blog I wrote about her and asked if she had anything to say to the people who read Phyllis.  "I promise you I will write you a letter."  I told her to start writing.  "Take care dear, love ya!"

Here's video of Phyllis with the wig.