"Do you know what that word means?"

I feel like I have been neglecting Phyllis. It has been three days since we last spoke.  That and Bichard told me I was slacking on the blog.  God forbid she called me.  However, we all know there is someone out there with a five digit phone number (with three of those digits including the number two) that is getting voicemails from Gram.  Funny thing. I realized she seems much more excited to talk to me if at least 24 hours have passed since our last conversation.

I was in the middle of cleaning my room and packing when I called Gram.  "HI HONEY BUNCH! HOW ARE YA?"  I told her I was good.  She asked what I was doing.  I told her I was packing for New York.  "OH BOY! LUCKY YOU."  She asked what I was going to wear tomorrow.  I told her I was going to wear a suit.  This conversation brought me back to the time I had my first real interview out of college.  I was driving Gram (to Friendly's) and I told her about my big interview.  "What are you going to wear?" she asked.  Same deal, I told her I would be wearing a suit.  "Are you going to dress provocatively?"  I told her that, no, I would not be dressing provocatively.  "Do you know what that word means?"  she asked.  "YES, I know what provocative means.  I will not be dressing like a slut on my interview." I said. (At this point, she was trying to piss me off.)  In her younger years, Gram could really push my buttons.  After my response,  she looked at me out of the corner of her eye and raised her eyebrows. "Well. Sometimes, you dress that way."  Gram said this to me.  The girl who wears a turtleneck and wonders if it's too revealing.   Cut to the same conversation, four years later.  This time, however, Gram did not ask if I would be dressing like a ho.  After I told her my outfit plans for tomorrow, I asked what she was doing.  She said, "I'm just foolin' around with the television, I've been watchin' those westerners."  I asked how she liked the westerners in lieu of baseball.  She said she enjoyed them but there was "too much shootin."  She misses baseball.

We chatted about the weather and Gram was happy because the warm temperatures keep her oil bill down.  I told her that I couldn't believe Thanksgiving was only two weeks away.  "You're not kiddin." she said.  I asked her what else was near Thanksgiving.  "I don't know,"  she said.  I pushed her some more, "You really can't think of it?"  I said.  "Gee, I have no idea.  You'll be engaged?"  I screeched in dismay and told her she had really high hopes.  "Whaaat?"  she replied.  I said, "It's going to be my goddamn birthday!"  Gram couldn't hear that, so I had to repeat myself four times.  "Oh, I knew that."  Sure.

"Well, Honey Bunch.  You have a great time in the city.  I'll be thinkin' of ya!"  With that, Gram hung up.  

Here's some video of Gram on our last visit.  Not much happens.  Just typical Phyllis.  Enjoy.