"I don't know her."

Kath has discovered email.  Well, she's known about it for a bit and I suppose uses it once in a while to send chain emails to her work pals, but she discovered that she can email Me.  I was not in the mood for chatting on the phone last night.  I knew I should call Kath to check in, but I was just tired and wanted to read my Kindle by book light.  I have made a habit of this.  I will get ready for bed at 7:45, shut my lights off and read my Kindle.  A few times I have woken up around 9:30 p.m. with the Kindle open next to me.  It's better than waking up with an empty bottle of wine on my chest at 4 a.m. circa 2008.  I couldn't fall asleep last night because I napped for a few hours during the day due to drinking a bottle of wine at lunch with CF.  We know how to celebrate President's Day in our family.  I checked my email around 10:00 and saw one from Kath (!).  Below is an excerpt:

>nothing much new-except, i have a little fever ~ 105, i got mugged this morning going to work, and i have to have major surgery<

I dialed Kath immediately, swearing at myself for being a bratty daughter (yet again) and not calling my mother.  Kath cheerily answered, "Hello!"  I yelled, "YOU GOT MUGGED?" "Oh, honey.  That was a joke.  You couldn't tell? What did you think of that story about Annabella?"  I asked her how she would feel if she received an email from me telling her I was raped on the way to the gym.  She dismissed that and said, "Let me know what you think about Annabella once you read it." Like I got that far in the email.  We chatted for a few and I told her I would email her in the morning.  Here is an excerpt:

>Have a good day. Don't email me later telling me you got carjacked. I will take you seriously. You will be the Mom who cried WOOF.<

I added the "WOOF" part to the end because I received a phone call from Kath after my most recent blog post asking me how to pronounce wolf.  She could barely breathe she was laughing so hard.  I told her it was her fault as my mother that she didn't teach me how to pronounce basic words.  However, I don't know if it was her fault that I mixed up the words organism and orgasm in fifth grade science class.  I can't recall how it was that I realized my gaffe, but I remember being in class one day reviewing my notes.  This moment was so traumatic, I remember the outfit I had on.  My all purple sweatsuit that made me look like Grimace. I saw "orgasm" and "orgasms" written down, page after page.  I felt myself turn red. I started scribbling furiously correcting them all.  I should have just used the caret punctuation mark and wrote "ni".  Maybe I did.  It wouldn't have mattered except our teacher reviewed our notebooks. Sorry, Mr. Kawa.



While we're on the subject, I will share another traumatic memory from fifth grade.  I was such a nerd that I forced my parents to allow me to switch schools because I wasn't challenged enough.  Somehow, I got my way.  My uncle was the principal at my new school.  All of the students knew and this did not get me any friends.  I only sat with people at lunch because the cafeteria was so small and I was forced to sit with a group.  When we had lunch outside in the nicer weather, I ate by myself.  No need to feel bad. I had friends outside of school, I just hated the wretched children in my class. They were 10-year-old criminals, stealing pills from their parents and skipping school. I couldn't relate at the time. Anyway. It was the last week of school and I sat in the back row. It was also 90 degrees. I was daydreaming of summer when the door opened and in walked Phyllis and my two cousins with my uncle.  Gram was sweating profusely, her hair matted to her forehead because she didn't have air conditioning in her car. She was wearing a purple and blue ensemble that if I explained it to my sister, she would know what I was talking about. I could see their eyes scan the room looking for me.  I was spotted.  The three of them stood there, beaming and waving at me. I just stared at them and sunk into my chair.  Bianca, who sat in front of me said, "That your Nana?"  I said, "I don't know her."

I will ask Gram if she remembers that day next time I visit.  Not likely. 

In the time that I have written this post, Kath has emailed me back.  She shared an interaction she had with Phyllis today:

>Visited w/gram.  Not much conversation.  I told her powerball was 155 M and proceeded to tell her to give me a number -any number 1 -->  39.  She pondered for awhile-quite awhile and finally blurted out "40." I didn't say anything and after about a minute she turns to me and started laughing-she had just realized what she said-she's truly a trip.<

Speaking of Gram, we just had a four minute conversation. She was not wearing her hearing aids.  During our chat I told her that I was becoming a nun and that I have a tattoo of the Virgin Mary on my back.  "THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY CARD" was her reply. I screamed for about two minutes when she said "Love ya Honey Bunch.  Bye now." 


Too bad Phyllis can't email me.  I would set up an account just for her emails: honeybunch@gmail.com. I wonder if that's taken.