Phyllis is my hero and then some: Burqa Bean

It has been a while. What else is new. Much has happened since my last post. No croup, though.

I drove a car for the first time in almost a year. When I arrived at Fox Rent-A-Car in Seattle, there was a silver Honda Civic waiting for me to get in. For anyone who doesn't know, that was the same car I used to drive. Phyllis would have been so excited. My old driving habits quickly took over. I was passing slow people and riding people's asses if they were going too slow in the fast lane. The speed limit on some areas of the highway was 70. That meant I could go 80. I like to make Bill Lang proud.

My nephews turned "free". I would appreciate it if they stopped growing. When I went home for Meggie's wedding weekend, my sista and I took a trip to the mall with all three kids in tow. I was holding both of the boys hands walking through Macy's. We walked by the Junior Girls Department. There were some skanky dresses. I said, "Anthony, Nicholas, do you like these dresses?" They looked at me and didn't respond. I said, "Good. Never date a girl that wears one of those dresses. Date a girl that dresses like Titi." I hope they won't need counseling. I told Tony I would be dressing my little bean up as a ho fo sho before hot dates. I was kidding. If Meaghan is anything like Kath, Annabella will be dressed in burqa's through college. My little burqa bean is also very close to saying "Titi". She says, "Ti". I will take what I can get.

My best friend got married. I smile as I type that. Meggie was the most beautiful bride. Vinnie looked a'ight. Their wedding was perfect. No one tripped down the aisle, i.e. this girl. I thought I would be a sobbing mess throughout the ceremony, but managed to maintain my composure. My posture was perfect as well. Vinnie's nephews told me so. I am glad I wore a ballgown because no one could see my legs shaking. I don't know why I was so nervous. I will need to take Ativan on my own wedding day. I also managed to make it through my speech without vomiting or crying. I would rather drink whole milk than do any form of public speaking.

Speaking of which, I had to present for work last week. Again, I was a nervous wreck. An employee asked me to "Speak up just a bit." I smiled and said, "Oh, sure! That's my one weakness." I quickly realized my gaffe, and started to awkwardly explain myself to the audience of 30. Then decided to just let it go. I am glad I decided not to elaborate because I have lots of weaknesses. Chocolate, fro-yo, my arm strength. I should borrow Kath's Shake Weight.

Anyway. The wedding weekend fittingly ended at Rehab with a visit with Phyllis. She was delighted to see me and "John P". Gram has a new nickname for the bf every visit. I brought her a bunch of candy for Halloween. She had a peanut butter cup and two kit kats during the visit. She tried pushing a Tootsie Pop on me, but I declined. I told Gram that I was "very hung over." She smiled. John P. told her that we cut up the dance floor at the wedding. Gram seemed impressed. Unfortunately, we did not see the biddies. (My brother visited with Gram a few weeks ago. He was lucky enough to meet Roberta. As she does with me, she kept asking him who he was. He gave her a different answer each time. Clever.) We chatted about Thanksgiving. I am so looking forward to a long visit with Phyllis. And watching Toy Story 3 with my kids. They are so cute, I am afraid I am going to eat them.

To end, I am going to post the oh so wonderful Mockumentary written and directed by Michael Ford. Amazing. Even if you don't know the DeCesare's, this shiz is funny. And, a little crude. I hope my brother didn't end up watching. He shouldn't hear his baby sista talk like that.