Cheese sandwiches and three-way phone calls

I had a birthday party to attend in my hometown on Friday night.  Due to the time I had to be there, I was unable to take the Peter Pan bus. The last time I took the Peter Pan, I was dropped off on a side street.  When I called my parents, they assumed that I had known there wasn't a bus station in Palmer.  Right, I should have remembered that fact when I Googled "bus stations in Palmer, Mass."  Because of the inconvenient Peter Pan times, I reserved my first Zipcar.  A silver Scion xB.  A car that screams lame.

After driving 35 minutes in the wrong gear, I made it to the party without ruining the engine. Upon my arrival,  three separate people asked if I was dating anyone.  "Yet."  I hate the word yet.  When I told them all, "No."  I was met with the question, "Why?  I just don't understand."  I wasn't really sure how to answer.  What do I say?   I am awkward. I am lazy when it comes to dating.  I like my alone time.  Who wants to date when you can be the 11th wheel at all events? I just shrugged at the time and each person separately shook their head.  I can't tell if they think I am pathetic or I am just a disappointment.  Too bad Saturday's events hadn't occurred prior to the inquisitions.  I would have had an answer.

I spent Saturday at my sister's with the three kids.  (That's "Alabama" on the left, don't you want to just eat her?)  I called Gram around 1:00 and asked if she would like me to visit her later.  She told me she didn't think she was going to go to church as her leg was bothering her and I could come over.  I told her that was fine and I would call before I left to see if she wanted me to bring over a snack.  I finished my laundry and my aunt duties and called Gram around 4:00.  She didn't pick up.  I called four more times.  I was beginning to think I was stood up by an 85-year-old.  A new low.  Finally, Gram answered.  "I've been calling you." I said.  "I just heard it ring!"  Gram replied.  I told Gram that I called three times before. "Well. It didn't ring, Honey Bunch."  Of course.  It's never her that's the problem.  I asked what she was doing.  "Makin' a cheese sandwich." she said.  "With some turkey."  I told Gram I would come over and have a sandwich with her.  When I arrived at Gram's 20 minutes later, she was still making the sandwiches.  I took over.  Here's video of Gram waiting for me to make the sandwiches.  (She doesn't have her teeth in.  When I later asked her why, she said, "I must've forgot."  I get it.  I forget to put my bra on all the time.) The video is four and a half minutes long, but be patient.  There are some real gems to see.



During our meal, I took more videos of Gram to be posted at a later date.  We talked about birthdays, memories and my life in Boston.  Gram also spoke in a French accent.  Once we finished our sandwiches, I decided to clean Gram's refrigerator.  I emptied the fridge and scrubbed every surface and shelf.  Gram sat an inch behind me and snacked on grapes and oyster crackers while I worked.  Every so often, she would remark, "It's gorgeous."  An hour an a half later, I finished.  Gram could not stop gushing about her beautiful fridge. I wiped up the floor then shut all of Gram's shades so she could get ready for bed.  She asked when I was going back to Boston.  I told her I was returning that night.  "Does Mama know?" she asked.  I don't know why she referred to Kathy Lang as "Mama."   I told her that Mom did know.  Gram requested that I call her when I made it home.  I promised her I would.  Kathy Lang also made me promise to call her that night.  Even though she would be at her pitch club.

I left Gram's at 7:00 and made a few more stops along the way.  I was finally on the road by 9:00.  I arrived in Boston at 10:30.  I called Gram to let her know I was home.  Safe.  "Oh, Honey Bunch, thank God you made it."  she said.  "I am so glad you got there."  You would think I had been dodging gunfire.  Not driving 80 miles on the Mass Pike.  She asked what time it was.  I told her 10:30.  "You made great time!"  Gram thinks I went by covered wagon.  We said our goodbyes and I called my parents.  My mom wasn't home.  My dad was and we talked for a bit.  (I forgot to ask his input on what song he would like to dance to at my wedding.)  Then my mom came home.  Around 11:00.  She picked up the phone.  Now, I was talking to both of my parents. Then it hit me.  The next time a person asks why I am not dating (yet), I will say:  "Because I spend my Saturday nights cleaning my grandmother's fridge and talking on a three way phone call with my parents."   I will also add that my parents fake yawned and told me they had to go.  After Kath and Bill hung up on me, I watched an episode of Medium and went to bed.  Next Saturday, I think I am going to see "New Moon." At least I am not going with my parents.

My letter!  On Gram's fridge.  I put it there.