Gram is addicted to Graham's.

Called Gram the other day. She had a doctor's appointment and stepped on the scale. She asked the nurse if the scale was right. When she learned that it indeed was, she said, "Goddamn graham crackers!"

Gram is addicted to graham crackers. They have been her nemesis as long as I have known her. She told me she needs to "quit" them. She has to "get off" of them. I told her that I would be her sponsor.

Tonight when we spoke she told me she was looking forward to three episodes of House. She clearly did not want to miss a moment. While I was in mid-sentence after she asked how I was, she said, "Ok, Honey Bunch. Love ya, bye," and proceeded to hang up.

I've got a surprise for you.

Phyllis is my grandmother-Gram. I love her more than the most fabulous hair day.

Today she called me and said, "I've got a surprise for ya!" She said I would never ever believe what it was. I asked her what it was. "A pedometer," she said, "from Arp." I knew she meant AARP. She said if she were near a post office she would mail it to me. I could tell by the way she was speaking that she did not have her teeth in.

On Saturday I picked her up for lunch. Phyllis didn't know that we were actually going to my sister's house so she could see her great grandchildren and enjoy some goulash. When I arrived she informed me that she would be paying for half of my lunch. Not half of the tab, but half of my lunch. When I brought her home later that afternoon she began writing a check. She then handed me a check for seven dollars. Since we didn't go out to lunch, she wanted to give me half of what I would have chosen. I made a copy of it. After writing a seven dollar check to me, she wrote a $5o check to The Annual Catholic Appeal.