About a month ago I was applying my eyeshadow and I noticed that the outer half of my right eyebrow looked much thinner. I thought, "Guess it's always been like that," and proceeded to put on my mascara. That is unlike me. When it comes to matters involving my face (and any changes to it), I tend to freak out. Maybe I had been drinking? I don't know. A few weeks later, the bf was ogling me. Ooh. I said, "What?" He said, "Huh. I've never noticed that your eyebrows are so different." Again, I didn't think much of it. Fast forward to this past weekend. The fam was having dinner at my sista's. Kath was sitting across from me. I could not help but notice that every time I looked at Kath, she couldn't look me in the eye. She would try, but her eyes would immediately move to the right side of my face. "Is there a problem?" I asked. "No." she replied. "Then why are you staring at the right side of my face?" I asked. "Honey, it's just. What happened to your eyebrow?"
This is when I started to panic. I told Kath how I did notice something different about it. The worst part is the hair shows no intention of growing back. In the past, friends have referred to me as the hairless wonder because you can't see my arm hair, my leg hair is barely there and I only had to start shaving under my arms in my 20's. I always considered this a blessing. However, I want two eyebrows. "Why don't you Google it?" Kath said. "What would I type! 'Where did my eyebrow go'?" I yelled as I ran to the computer. I did in fact type 'where did my eyebrow go?' The first result was meanspirited and did not help. Other results indicate I should see a doctor.
Kath told me I needed to make a doctor's appointment right away. I haven't yet. I hate needles. And, I feel ridiculous. Last year I went in there with a black eye that I had no clue of its origin. (Remember Ass Face and that bump?) "How did you get a black eye?" Dr. G asked. "I fell." "Where did you fall?" she asked. "Going up the stairs to my apartment." I lied. The only reason I am typing this now is because I finally confessed to Kath what happened. We chatted on St. Patrick's Day and she asked if I was going out. "Hell no! Not after last year." I said. "Why? What happened last year?" she asked. I said, "You can't get mad because it happened a year ago and I am ok." I asked if she remembered that appointment I had to make with the plastic surgeon (Lin, Lang Chang) because of the fall I took last year. She did. "Well, mom. Last St. Patrick's Day I drank too much. I woke up at 3 in the morning to pee and when I looked in the mirror my face was all bloody and I had a black eye." I told her. She calmly asked, "How did you get a black eye?" "I have no idea." I replied. Kath laughed. "You don't know!" she giggled. This was not the reaction I was expecting. I know if I told her when it had actually happened she would have put me in rehab.
It is probably a good thing I didn't go through with the plastic surgery. I would look like this hot mess:
(My eyebrow isn't that bad.)
Anyway. I will make an appointment. I want to wait a minute to see if it grows back in. I had to purchase some Clinique brow filler yesterday. The bf asked if the filler was to "paint them on". Great. I asked my roommate this morning how my fake eyebrow looked this morning. "You can't even tell!" she said. I'll ask my Jewish mothers at dinner tomorrow. Ilene and Donna tell it like it is.
In other news. I saw Gram this past weekend. I arrived solo and the first words out of her mouth were, "WHERE'S JP?" I told her he was in Utah. She just nodded. If he arrived solo, I do believe she would not inquire of my whereabouts. Anyway. It was BINGO time, so we went down to play. Gram has a new roommate. Mary. Gram does not like Mary. I did not either. Mary and I started off on the wrong foot when she took Gram's seat at BINGO, which meant that I didn't get to catch up with Henrietta and Roberta. When the nurse asked where I lived and I told her Boston, Mary looked over at me from across the room and sneered, "Boston." I rolled my eyes. Just like Phyllis. Phyllis then began to talk smack about Mary to Raveen, my new friend. "Isn't she just somethin'!" Gram yelled. "She's always around, back and forth." Raveen replied. "She's a WINNER. I tell ya." Gram said. Maybe Phyllis is following Charlie Sheen's twisted tweets. I kept noticing Mary looking my way. Thinking back, she was probably wondering where my eyebrow was, too. Later on, Kath asked me what I thought of Gram's new roommate. I made a face. "Malignantbraintumor." Kath said. I immediately felt guilty. Poor Mary. Kath did not like her at first either, then she heard the sad news. I think I should let Gram know so she doesn't engage in another walker war.
During the BINGO game, Gram said, "WHAT'S JP DOING IN HOUSTON?" I said, "He's in Utah. TO BECOME A POLYGAMIST." Of course, Gram could not hear me, so I had to repeat myself two more times. When she did hear me, her eyes opened wide, then she started to laugh. The nurse laughed too. I wish I could go to BINGO every week.
Speaking of polygamy. I went to my nephews girlfriend's 4th birthday party while home. Sofia is going to marry both of my nephews. The girl is too cute for words. Instead of sister wives, she will have brother husbands. I hope this is ok with her mother, Angela. One of the reasons I attended this party was because I was so looking forward to meeting Paula, Sofia's grandmother. When Angela told me she wasn't going to be there, my heart sank. From what I have heard, Paula is just like Kath. In fact, when Kath and Paula met, they hit it off. I told Angela they should exchange email addresses.
This is too long, sorry bitches. I have more to share, but it can wait. I'll keep you posted on my eyebrow and it's whereabouts. Let an Ass Face know if you find it.
